


Ghost

by Kattwyllie



Category: Law and Order SVU - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26822941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattwyllie/pseuds/Kattwyllie
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot x reader
Kudos: 12





	Ghost

It was a chilly March when you were packing up a bag, headed to the airport, there was a National Nurses Conference in New York that you were required to attend. Truthfully, you were thankful for the distraction from everyday life, and the escape out to the coast where you were sure the weather would be at least a little bit more humid, a hint of warmth was well welcomed. You’d been in a little bit of a rut over the past couple of years, trying to figure out just how much of it was your professional life and how much of it was your personal life. Wires had been crossed over in your brain and you hoped that the time away from Wisconsin would help clear things up, help finally get your head on straight so you could finally move forward.

You spent the first few days in New York enjoying the city in the hours that you weren’t trapped in conference halls scribbling down notes on various medical procedures you were sure you’d never end up using. A few hours fake socializing with other medical professionals before you were able to escape out of the stuffy halls of the center into the streets of the city.

It was on the fourth day that you ventured out, eager for some New York delicacies, making your way to Wichcraft to grab a gourmet sandwich before heading back to the hotel for the afternoon. You were about a block away when you heard an oh to familiar voice, one you hadn’t heard in years and one that made your heart nearly stop. Your head shot up, glancing around the busy street, eyes settling on the blonde a few feet ahead of you outside a coffee shop. She was on the phone, her demeanour seemed nearly angry as her foot tapped against the pavement. You were surprised to see her dressed in a well fitted skirt suit, it had to be her, right? Your voice found its confidence before your brain could even comprehend what was happening, 

“Emily?” Her head didn’t even glance towards you before she let out a huff, hanging up the phone, “Em?” You were closer now, your voice softer, and that tone she suddenly recognized, her heart jumping into her throat. Her face shot up to yours, her eyes wide, having never thought she would see you again. She drank in your appearance, the confusion written across your face, the slight shimmer of tears in your eyes as you silently stared back at her. Before she could even figure out what to say you were interrupted, 

“Alex, they were out of soy, hope you’re okay with oat.” A brunette woman handed the blonde a cup of coffee, you glanced between the two of them, confusion written on your face before a sense of understanding and humiliation overcame you. “Am I…interrupting?” She gently questioned, looking between the two of you. Before you could even say that she wasn’t, that you were just leaving the blonde cut her off.

“Yeah. You are. Give us a minute?” Olivia gave a quick nod, heading back up the street without a second glance. You stood, frozen in time, still utterly confused at the entire situation.

“What…what’s going on? She…she called you Alex? Em I don’t understand…” Alex gave a weary sigh, her free hand hesitantly stroking at your arm.

“How much time do you have?” You could tell the look in her eyes was sympathetic, you could feel the struggle radiating from her eyes.

“The rest of the day…” Your voice was shaky, still so unclear on exactly what was going on. Alex, Emily, whatever her name was gave you a soft nod, one that meant for you follow her back to a bar a couple blocks away, where hopefully things would be able to get somewhat sorted out.

_**  
You were on your way home from an overnight shift but still had a handful of errands to run before you would be able to finally collapse against your bed, so good coffee was a must. A quick stop at your favourite shop around the corner from the hospital seemed like the right choice, it was late enough that the usual morning rush had already come and gone, the place relatively empty. That was of course, except for the stunningly beautiful blonde standing near the counter, lip tugged into her mouth as she stared at the menu as if she had no idea what her coffee preference was. Your sparkling voice broke into her thoughts, tearing her eyes off the menu board._

_“I know it sounds weird, but the maple bacon latte is to die for.” You gave her a soft smile,_

_“Oh..uh..” She gave a soft laugh, “Kinda sounds like it could be good.” You shot her a grin as you ducked towards the counter, ordering your usual and one for her,_

_“Regular milk?” You asked,_

_“Soy.” She gave you a smile, moving beside you as you tapped your card, “You didn’t have to.” You shrugged,_

_“This way if you don’t like it, at least you didn’t waste your own money.” You extended your hand, “Y/N.”_

_“Ah..Emily.” She gave your hand a soft shake, thanking you for the coffee. You fell into an easy back and fourth while you waited for the drinks to be made, exchanging pleasantries and gaining a little insight into the other person’s life._

_Alex had been in Wisconsin for nearly a month now and she had to admit, this was the first time she actually felt normal. It had been a drastic change, being torn away so suddenly from her life in New York, not able to contact anyone, knowing that all but two thought she was dead. She struggled to adjust to the new life, the new ‘her’, trying to find a new sense of normal that was so different from everything she was used to. You exchanged numbers that day in the coffee shop after she admitted to being new in town, you encouraged her to call, joking that you knew how annoying it was to have to make new friends._

_A few days later, when she found herself teetering on the edge of wishing she could call New York after a few glasses of wine that were an attempt to calm her from jumping at every bump in the night. She picked up the phone, and called you instead. You said you were just finishing up some paperwork, but graciously accepted her invitation, saying that you’d pick up some take out on your way over to her place._

_You were settled into her couch, a marathon of New Girl on the t.v., you’d convinced her into trying cheese curds, saying that she couldn’t be considered a true Wisconsiner until she’d had at least one. The rest of the food you’d brought was more on the ‘normal’ menu, and Alex was quick to pour you a glass of wine._

_“You okay?” You questioned softly after her head shot towards the window at the sound of a car door slam, “You seem a little on edge.” She turned to you with a small smile,_

_“Yeah..Just…watched too much American Horror Story earlier I guess.” You gave a shudder,_

_“Eck…no horror for me thank you.”_

_“Too much gore?”_

_“Em..I’m an ER trauma nurse, I can handle the gore, it’s the jump scares, the ghosts, spiritual stuff, I mean, how much of that could actually exist and we’d have no idea until it was happening to us?!” She laughed heartily at your ability to believe in it._

_“You’ll be okay, promise.” She reached out and squeezed your hand in reassurance, noticing the slight flush that crept into your cheeks at the gentle touch. A few hours later you had to tear yourself away, knowing you had a long day tomorrow. As she walked you to the door you mentioned that you’d had a really nice time, that it had been a while since you’d done anything but work or research for work. Alex suggested grabbing dinner later in the week, restaurant of your choice of course, but she insisted on paying since you’d bought her the original coffee. You agreed, warm smile on your face as you gave her a soft hug goodnight._

_Friday night rolled around and you took her to Lakefront Brewery, it wasn’t anything too fancy, but a nice place with good eats and even better beer. You laughed over a few stories of your childhood, some traumatizing experiences your first couple of years nursing, there was a comfortable camaraderie at the table._

_It was through bonding with you and finding a friend that Alex was finally able to start exploring this new life that she was stuck with for who knew how long. You brought a sense of comfort, a reason for her to dig into her backstory, a reason to want to actually be social and not just hole up alone at home all the time, a reason to start to let go of her past. And more importantly, the baggage that came with it._

_You were walking along the river after dinner when you grabbed her forearm to pull her out of a cyclists path, hand slipping down as he sped past, she caught it in hers, interlocking your fingers, sly grin on her face as you flushed again. By the time you’d done a loop and ended up back at your cars, the air was thick with flirtation, friendly teasing, little nudges against each other._

_You were the one to make the bold move, using your connected hands to pull her to you, lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss. She felt her heart swell, a hand coming up to encase your cheek, tongue softly diving into your mouth. Your lips slid gracefully against each other, the warmth of your body against her felt like absolute heaven, the feeling of being in somebody’s arms cracking her cool exterior she’d been building up._

_Maybe Wisconsin wouldn’t be so bad after all._

_A few weeks after the first kiss, after a handful of other dates and a lot more stolen kisses and evening snuggles, you asked her to be your girlfriend, and she was more than happy to agree. You noticed that she was a little hesitant about things, you never brought it up, but you were okay with taking things slower than you normally would._

_A few weeks after that, she asked you to stay the night, and you were very happy to oblige, frenzied kisses leading you to the bedroom as you carefully stripped each other of your clothing. Collapsing against the bed in a tangle of limbs, exploring every inch of each other’s bodies, the air full of heat, breathy moans and little whimpers while you reached your peaks. You curled around her body, feeling her lips hit your head while you came back down to Earth. Your fingers faintly traced the outline of a scar,_

_“What happened?” You gently asked. The hand stroking your back froze,_

_“Uh..camping accident.” She murmured,_

_“You mean hunting accident? It looks like a GSW.” You could feel her body tense underneath you, her heart rate increasing._

_“Don’t really wanna talk about it.”_

_“Okay.” You laid a soft kiss against her skin, arm wrapping around her as you snuggled against her. You could clearly tell she didn’t want to discuss it, and you weren’t about to push her or pry into something she wasn’t ready to open up to yet._

_As you fell into a relaxed slumber Alex couldn’t help but stare at the ceiling, mind racing through a million thoughts a minute. Sure, she’d already been having a hell of a time sleeping, the quiet dark nights nothing like the bustling night streets of Manhattan, not to mention the nightmares. But now, instead of anxiety that was wrecking her gut it was guilt. She wondered if this had even been a good idea to begin with, sure, more than half of what she told you was true, but there were still so many secrets, things that she couldn’t risk telling you. She wished she could come clean, but she knew the moment she did, there was a potential your life would be in danger too. Not to mention WPP would rip her out of there faster than she could even think if they knew she’d blown her own cover. Despite her racing mind, Alex found herself sleeping better that night than she had since she’d left New York._

_Over the next few weeks, you found Alex popping up more and more at the E.R., coffee or lunch usually in her hands, a bright smile on your face whenever you would greet her with a loving kiss. You were always more than happy to see her, taking a quick break or spending your lunch with her. She was more than accepting with the fact that you regularly had to race off whenever you were paged, you were the head nurse for the trauma department, your work was important and you had lives to save. She got introduced to a few of your work friends, surprising herself when she got along with them as well as she did. It certainly helped for those moments when your pager went off, giving her a quick kiss before you’d run off, leaving her with people that she actually appreciated before she’d have to take off back to her own job._

_You frequently spent nights at her place, especially after she admitted to sleeping way better when you where there, and you weren’t about to complain about that. Any night spent wrapped in her arms was the best way to spend a night._

_You spent the majority of your summer in Atwater park, admiring the public art, taking time to lounge in the sand, dip your feet in the cool waves, strolling along the paths hand in hand, basking in the sunshine and warmth. Alex would hold you against her while you lounged in the warm sand watching the sun set, lips softly meeting the bare skin of your shoulder. It was that night that you turned in her arms, the sun leaving a golden glow across your face, sparkling in your eyes as your hand stroked her face softly._

_“Can I tell you something?” You asked. She smiled softly, eyes warm and full of adoration._

_“Always.”_

_“I love you.” The admission was barely above a whisper, your voice wavering slightly. She knew you’d had some not so great experiences in relationships, but her heart swelled, tears threatened to make their way into her eyes as her lips split into a grin._

_“I love you too…” She met you in a gentle kiss, relishing in the feeling of you against her. It was that moment that nearly solidified her into realizing that this whole new life could work, maybe everything would work out, maybe it would all be okay. It was no longer just boring insurance agency work, she really, truly, had a reason to hold onto this life, to hold onto Emily and everything that came with her._

_Over the next few months you spent an increasing amount of time together, it was rare for you to spend a night apart unless you were working. You were honestly surprised with how well she took it when you had to dart off at odd hours or suddenly break a date because you were called in, all of your ex’s hated it, claiming that you thought your job was more important than they were. Whereas she always gave you a soft smile and a kiss, urging you to go save the lives you needed to, it was a very welcoming gesture and you loved her even more for it._

_It was a chilly February morning, you’d just finished passing off a car accident patient to the surgeon when your phone rang. Stripping off your gloves you pulled it out of your pocket, answering quickly._

_“Hey Em…we still on for dinner?”_

_“That’s what I’m actually calling about.” Your brows furrowed, there was something in her voice that didn’t sound quite right, “Rain check?”_

_“Sure. Friday?” You were half filling out a chart while you listened._

_“I..uh..I’ve got a business trip, I’ll be back by the 12th.”_

_“Oh. Okay..you want me to bring over some take out tonight? Help you pack?”_

_“It’s super last minute, I’m leaving in an hour.” You froze at that, she hadn’t mentioned anything, you weren’t even sure what a business trip would entail for her line of work._

_“Oh…okay…”_

_“I’m sorry to bail like this, but it’s important.” There was still something that didn’t seem quite right, you knew not to push too hard with Emily, she was one that would open up to you when she was ready,that was one thing you’d learnt from your relationship thus far._

_“It’s okay, I understand…babe…you sure you’re okay?”_

_“Yeah. Just a little frazzled.” She sighed heavily,_

_“Okay. Stay safe, I love you.”  
“I love you too.”_

_And that was it. That was the last thing you ever heard from Emily. It was unlike her not to text, but you ended up getting slammed at work, and figured she was just as deep in as you. When the 12th rolled around and you tried calling, her number was disconnected, finding that strange as ever you figured you’d head over to her house. That was the biggest shocker, not only was she not there, but someone else had already moved in._

_You’d heard of ghosting, hell you’d experienced it after one or two not so great first dates, but this? After nearly a year of being together, this was something completely new and unexpected._

**  
You settled into a booth at Greenwich Street Tavern, the walk around the corner being completely silent, you were wracking your brain trying to figure out what could possibly be going on while Alex was trying to figure out where to even start. There was awkwardness in the air, and you were both ever thankful for the waitress coming over quickly, ordering a round of drinks, waiting to get some alcohol in your systems before you delved into the issue at hand.

“She…called you Alex?” You broke the silence, your heart thudding in your chest as you looked across at her. She gave a small shaky laugh, swigging at her wine before she replied.

“Because that’s my name…” Your face scrunched at her reply, 

“But—“ She was quick to cut you off, there was no reason to hold out information anymore, just cut to the chase, rip the bandaid off already.

“When I was in Wisconsin I was in Witness Protection…” That stalled you, an intake of breath as your brain scanned through your time together, trying to piece things together. You were drawn to one particular memory first, 

“Your scar…it is a GSW?”

“Yeah…” Alex ran a hand through her hair, “Y/N, I’m sorry, I am so incredibly sorry, you can’t even imagine. I wished I could have told you everything, but it would have put you in danger too.”

“Why ghost me though?” When you glanced up at her she could see the slightest shimmer of tears in your eyes, “You didn’t have to lie about a business trip, just tell me you were leaving, I would’ve been able to deal with it.”

“I..” Alex’s heart dropped, “I lied about the business trip because my agent told me I might still need to stay hidden. I was actually in New York testifying that week.”

“Against..the person who shot you?”

“Yes. He came up in another case.”

“But..you never came back..your phone was cut off, someone else moved into your house less than a week after you’d left.”  
“I wanted to, baby, believe me. The program refused, there was still a chance there was someone out there affiliated with Connors, they sent me right back into a different cover story in a different city. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to my friends here.”

“So you’re…from New York then?”

“Yeah…” Alex sighed, hanging her head. She felt terrible about the entire thing, she always had, she truly thought she’d be gone for a week, able to either return to her life as Emily, or at least return to you and explain it all. She’d been furious at the fact that she was whisked away to yet another life, another person in another city, unable to contact anyone from her past, including you, the woman she loved.

“The brunette…at the coffee shop..is she?” Alex laughed, 

“She’s just a colleague, detective with the NYPD.”

“You work with NYPD?” You nearly snorted at the idea, even with the whole fake life thing you highly doubted the woman across from you dealt with police work on a regular basis.

“Technically yes.” She took a sip of wine, “I’m the A.D.A for special victims.” Things in your brain started to make more sense at that, the way she took interest in specifics of some of your stories from work, the eloquent way that she spoke, the special interest she always took in following the news. 

“Was that what you were doing when you were shot?”

“Yeah..” Alex sighed, “A year ago Connors got extradited, I was able to come out of witness, shortly after, they offered me my job back.” She gave you a soft glance, “I would have called but I figured it’d been too long already, or that you’d hate me.”

“I could never hate you.” Your hand snuck across the table, giving hers a soft squeeze, you felt your heart flutter at the way she grasped at it, holding it longer than you’d intended, leaving you linked over the table top.

“I’m sorry.” You could see the pain behind her eyes, knowing how truly sorry she was for the entire thing.

“Apology accepted.” You gave a heavy breath, “It’s a tricky situation, no matter how you look at it..” You trailed off, suddenly unable to meet her eyes.

“Y/N, know that the only lies I ever told you were my name and what I did for a living, probably a few little things here and there, but the me you know is the real me..”

“I know…” You shot her a weak smile, “I’ve dealt with my fair share of witness protection cases in my line of work..”It wasn’t too often you’d work through a case like that, but it came across your plate more often than you’d like, a gang war, a domestic violence situation, an innocent bystander who was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. You’d patch them up and they’d be whisked away by an agent never to be seen of again. Alex gave you a warm smile, her thumb softly stroking against your hand.

“Are you here for work?” She gently asked.

“Yeah…conference…boring as fuck.” She laughed, “But..I guess there’s a reason for everything…” The look you gave her was nearly a smirk. Sure you weren’t having the time of your life at the conference but it had brought you onto that street corner that Alex had been on, a way to reconnect, to get closure, whichever this was, you knew it was meant to be.

A few hours passed while you fell back into the rhythm of things, sinking back a few glasses of wine each. You were eager and happy to learn more about the details of Alex’s real life while she told you stories of her childhood, of her work with the DA’s office, there wasn’t much that had changed between you aside from the location and her name. Everything felt the same, felt comfortable as you laughed and flirted back and fourth the same way you did in Wisconsin. It wasn’t that late when you finally left the bar, dusk slowly taking over the sky, Alex pulled the bold move, asking if you’d be interested in coming back to her apartment.

You knew you had an early morning the next day, but that was an offer you couldn’t refuse. It started out with a glass of wine, a few episodes of t.v while you continued to catch up over the past near two years. But you both knew where it would lead, an arm over the back of the couch leading to a cuddle, a cuddle leading to a kiss, a kiss leading to Alex guiding you to the bedroom.

The next morning, you were sure to exchange your current phone numbers, you were in New York for another week after all, you may as well use that time to benefit the both of you. Alex nearly continuously apologized, that you always shrugged off, saying you understood, it may have been ages ago, but you forgave her, understanding the situation. She showed you a couple of places around the city that were the ‘must sees’ to the locals, and the ‘must eats’, much like you did in Wisconsin for her.

It was on your final night in New York that you met her at The Odeon for dinner, making sure to give her a soft kiss before you settled into your chair. You chattered like usual over dinner, the entire thing seeming like a regular date, like your history wasn’t so wonky, like the chance of you running into each other hadn’t been so miraculous. It was when she’d asked for the bill, the two of you leaving the restaurant that Alex gave a weary sigh,

“I really wish you didn’t have to go back to Wisconsin..” Her hand clasped yours at the statement, you could feel the emotion rushing through her. When she glanced up she caught the grin on your face, “What?”

“I..uh..had a little run in with the Chief from Mercy today.” Alex felt her chest tighten, her brows furrowed, not entirely sure what you were getting at, “He heard about the subway accident we dealt with a few months ago.”

“Who didn’t? That was insane, a pole impaling two people, you managed to save them both?”

“Yeah. Said he was impressed and whoever ran the trauma unit deserved a promotion.”

“So, you’re getting promoted?” You gave a light laugh, 

“He offered me a spot at Mercy…apparently they’ve been looking for a head trauma nurse for months and haven’t been able to find the right fit.” Alex felt her heart flutter at that, the thought of you, in New York, permanently. After the ordeal you’d been through, after being wrenched away from her real life, to find solace in you, only to be wrenched away from you after that, being able to truly, actually be with you, seemed completely unbelievable.

“What’d’you say?”

“I said I needed to talk to a few people, to sleep on it and I’d let him know by Monday.”

“Well..what’re you thinking?” You giggled at that, 

“I’m thinking of taking it. I’ve been looking for a change, something different recently, and this could be just what I needed.” You paused, giving her a soft smile as your squeezed her hand, “I wanted to talk to you though…I know it’s been a bit of a ….rollercoaster..but…would you..be interested in giving it a second chance if I moved to New York?” Alex felt like goddamn fireworks were going off in her chest, as if meeting you wasn’t incredible enough, getting the time together you’d already had was amazing, but this, the off chance that you’d run into each other on that street corner, the fact that you were being given a job offer in here city? Completely astonishing.

“Baby, of course!” You giggled again at the enthusiasm of her response, the giggle breaking into a laugh at how strongly she tugged you into her arms, her lips meeting yours with passion, smile evident against them. She stayed close when you departed, her voice a near whisper, “Please…take the offer…” You pecked her lips, “Not just for me, only if you really want to.”

“Believe me…I want to, Milwaukee’s getting boring anyways, I could use some time in the big city.”

“Are you sure?” The hesitancy in her eyes was evident, she knew you’d both been through a lot since she’d left Wisconsin and didn’t want you making any rash decisions based of a few days together.

“Yes.” You gave her hands a squeeze, “Alex..” It still felt a little strange for her real name to leave your lips, but she loved the way it sounded, “Sometimes life throws weird curveballs at you, and I feel like this is one that’s meant to be. I was looking to mix things up and this gives me the perfect opportunity to do so while also reconnecting with you, something I never thought I’d get the chance to do.”

“Y’know…before they pulled me out..” Her head glanced up, gaining eye contact with you as she continued, “I was pretty sure you were the love of my life.” You couldn’t control the shake of your chest as she admitted that, “I didn’t want to admit it at the time, I knew I’d have to leave eventually, I didn’t want to put you through hell. Turns out I did that anyway.”

“It wasn’t your choice.” You laid a gentle kiss against her lips, “But I’m here now..and baby I love you like you wouldn’t believe.”


End file.
